Monday, 28 February 2011

Movie Star!

We were invited to a birthday party at the weekend that had been themed 'HOLLYWOOD'  and as my daily attire usually consists of 'anything comfortable' and wellies, I could feel it was going to be a bit of a challenge.
Glamorous had been specified in large gold lettering on the invitation, and as I knew I hadn't anything that fitted that description, I set about making a dress out of some black material and some beading I had.
My partner was similarly at a loss for 'posh' clothes, and so borrowed his dads dinner suit.
Well, the night came and we eagerly donned our makeshift outfits and off we went.
On entering we were handed a glass of champagne and ushered through to the room which was decked out in black and white ruched material over the walls and ceiling and looked absolutely amazing.
There were life-size models of film stars,  gold six foot Oscars, and an actual red carpet.
Now I was quite excited, and being excited I started to drink quickly, so it wasn't long before I was shaking my stuff on the dance floor with all the Hollywood stars at the edge of the dance floor watching me (yes they were watching me, remember I'd been drinking ... James Bond in particular couldn't keep his eyes off of me and as for Mr. Pitt, well lets just say Ang would NOT have been happy!)
Basically, I was having a FANTASTIC time, despite my beading starting to unravel and leaving a little black dotty trail behind me as I shimmied.
By 10 o'clock, and more than several drinks later, I thought I was actually in Hollywood, and after several more drinks and the A list celebrity audience I'd personally acquired to watch my amazing dance moves, I thought I was an actual Hollywood Movie Star.
Now, in the cold light of day, a more accurate description might be a middle aged drunk woman in a bead shedding homemade dress.
But, with copious amounts of alcohol and the Hollywood setting, for that one night, as far as I was concerned
... I really WAS a Movie Star  :o)

Tuesday, 22 February 2011

Red Faced

They say life begins at 40, well something certainly began in mine.

I'd been aware that my face kept sort of 'flushing' from time to time and feeling hot, but I hadn't given it much thought as it passed and it didn't seem to be that big a deal, until I was shopping with my daughter that is. We were routing through the make up aisle, when I felt the familiar hot face begin just as I turned to her to ask her to read some 'tiny' writing on a pencil that I couldn't see (another new addition to my 40's)

I could see by the sudden look of shock in her eyes and the way her jaw had fallen open that all was not well.

"What on earth's going on with your face Mum!"

"What do you mean?"


She turned me to the already unflattering store mirror ... and there it was.

I had thought up until this point that the new occurrence was just heat, how wrong I was. It appeared that when the heat arrived, it came with an intense shade of red  that seemed to confine itself to my forehead, nose, cheeks and chin ... basically my whole face ... except that is,  the area around my eyes. These stayed perfectly (miraculously I would say given the rest of the colour of my face) ... WHITE!

"Oh my GOD!"

Well that was it, now I knew.

Thankfully I found ways to keep my 'affliction' under wraps and with many prolonged rummages in my bag when in public until the heat wore off ... I managed. Until one day in Tescos I bumped into an old male friend who I hadn't seen for a while and began to chat. Everything was going along fine until I felt 'the heat'.

I should have at that very moment said something ... anything!

But no.

I carried on chatting, obviously growing redder and redder, and whiter and whiter eyed until I saw his eyes  widen and scan my face. It crossed my mind at that point to simply turn and run, I hadn't seen him for years, and I'd probably  never see him again!

But no again.

Instead, I lifted my wrist to check the time, rolled my eyes as if  'gosh I'm so late', said goodbye very chirpily, turned and headed for the toilet.

Good move you may think, but as I wasn't wearing a watch, and as he saw me go into the toilet, which I was obviously 'so late' for ... I could have died!

There I sat, locked in one of the cubicles like some sort of Victorian Sideshow Attraction until the heat had subsided.

The facial hot flushing is happening less and less which has been a blessed relief, but lately I've found myself almost extolling its virtues since I've been being frequented by its much much bigger brother

... the full body flush!!

Sunday, 20 February 2011

Food - Sunday Scribblings # 255

She stared down at the bowl of the toilet, eyes red, knuckles sore, back aching, and looked at the food.
Food that had moments ago been the answer to everything.
Reaching for some tissue, she wiped her mouth and threw it on top, then flushed it away.
It was done.
She took a deep breath that quivered as she exhaled, then headed down the stairs to the kitchen, to start all over again.

Written for Sunday Scribblings prompt 255 - Food

Thursday, 17 February 2011

10 Random Things About Me

I just realised that I've been blogging now for a whole 6 months!
so I thought to celebrate, I'd share some random things about me.

Here we go ...

1.  I scrunch my shoulders up and hold my breath when I drive through narrow gaps. 
2.  I never watch anything weird, scary, violent, sad or over a Cert.15 as I will definitely dream about it.

3.  I can do a headstand in someones lap unassisted ... which if you're not impressed by, is just because you haven't seen it!

4.  I can name the actors and actresses in most old films and give you their star sign.

5.  I can't help but smile in delight when I see an old dog snuggled in a warm coat on a cold day.

6.  I sometimes sing an impassioned rendition of  Ol' Man River in a unnaturally deep voice and bring myself to tears.

7.   I've been vegetarian for 27 years.

8.  I put talcum powder in my hair when its greasy and  I can't be bothered haven't got time to wash it.

9.  I have about 5 very happy, but deluded days a year when I think I'm prettier and slimmer than I really am!


10. If I'm drunk I will tell you I love you, and given half a chance I will sing Summertime with my eyes closed.

Aaah .... 6 wonderful blogging months!
So to anyone that has ever stopped by, read and been lovely enough to leave a comment, I just wanted to say  THANK YOU  :o) x

Tuesday, 15 February 2011

The Tea Bag

I always keep two used tea bags in the fridge to put on my eyes in the morning, as they have an annoying habit of 'puffing up' over night. The reason I mention this, is, my lovely partner came into the room this morning (after a previous night of scoffing 'everything' in the house) cradling his tummy and looking thoroughly dejected.
"Look!" he announced, turning side on.
The word pregnant flashed across my mind, but I held my tongue and smiled sympathetically.
"It's not that bad."
He sighed and shuffled in front of the mirror, tucking his shirt in underneath the offending tummy.
"What on earth am I going to do about it?" he groaned, looking me straight in the eye, genuinely awaiting an answer.
Well you could start by not eating a weeks worth of food in one sitting, I thought to myself, but again, I said nothing ... until the ideal remedy sprang to mind.
"Stay there, I've got just the thing!"
I rushed into the kitchen to the fridge, and came back with one of my tea bags.
"Pop this on it, it always does the trick on my eyes!"
Well,  for some reason he didn't seem to find it quite as amusing as I did, but the image of him laying on the sofa with a tiny tea bag perched on the top of his tummy waiting for it to go down has been making me titter all morning!

Monday, 14 February 2011

Baby Birds Birthday - Monday's Child # 33

Monday's Child prompt for children's poetry or verse

Mrs. Bird was as proud as could be, 
for the cake she'd baked was ready for tea.
It was no ordinary cake, no not today
for it was Baby Birds birthday, and he was on his way!

She lit the candles, one for each year
and everyone waited to give him a cheer.
When baby bird came, they shouted as one
"Happy Birthday Baby, Happy Birthday, Have Fun!" 

Baby Bird tweeted and flapped with his wings
then opened his parcels and presents and things.
Then down they all sat, with plates ready to take
a huge scrummy portion of Mrs. Birds cake.

Microfiction Monday # 70

This weeks picture prompt from Microfiction Monday at Stony River
The task: a tweetable 140 characters or fewer inspired by the picture below...

She'd been gone for 2 hours, he started to wonder if sending her
back to the village for his ale had been such a good idea after all.

Sunday, 13 February 2011

Visitors! .... I Saw Sunday - Week 22

 I Saw Sunday where you can join in with pictures, thoughts, observations, anything you like!

Here's mine ...

We've been having a very bold and unwelcome 'visitor' lately, a big black cat that Grace has become just a little obsessed with.
This obsession was given an almighty boost the other night when the said cat actually dared to come in the house through the cat flap and eat Cracker (our cats) food!
Well as far as Grace was concerned, this was WAR.
She scuttled after it, careering around corners, nearly wedging herself in the cat flap in hot pursuit.
Since then she's taken to doing regular garden checks.
Her little face is all disappointed when she comes in and hasn't seen it.

I can almost hear her muttering, " stinking black cat, coming in my house, bold as brass ... it won't be acting so clever when I get hold of it!"
She then toddles over to her bed, flops down and drops straight off to sleep.

Where ... I think by the jerking body, cheek puffing woofs and running paws, she manages to 'sorts him out' good and proper!


... luckily Grace didn't see this!

My daughter and her boyfriend were up late and heard the cat flap go.
As Cracker was asleep in her bed they went to investigate and saw another furry visitor in the house ... A RABBIT! 

We have a sneaking suspicion that the black cat may be selling tickets!

Friday, 11 February 2011

Shadows - Thursday Think Tank Prompt 35

Poets United holds a weekly poetry prompt.
This weeks prompt is shadows


You lived in shadows
shut down
I never even knew
you were there
until that day
you screamed
and screamed
pounding your fists
demanding to be heard
and now
as I look back
I'm thankful
so thankful
I listened.

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

The Good Girl - Three Word Wednesday

Three Word Wednesday where you write something using the three prompt words.
This week's words are  ... Dare, Essence and Practical.

She was always described as the practical one, the quiet one, in essence 'the good girl'.
No-one ever really noticed her, she liked it that way.
Until that summer when the heat seemed to to be sending everyone a little crazy. 
The dare was always there, the dare that nobody would ever take.
But that summer, in the heat, she did it ... and no-one ever called her the good girl again.

Tuesday, 8 February 2011


I was putting the washing around on the radiators the other day and as always, I  finished with the underwear which I put in the bedrooms.
Usually I put my daughters in her room so they're ready for her when they're dry, but as she was still asleep they went in my bedroom next to mine.
So what, you may be thinking.
Well the thing is, this was the first time it really hit me about the size of my knickers ... they are ENORMOUS!
When placed next to my daughters, I couldn't help wondering if she still had her Barbie dolls and she'd given me theirs by mistake. When I held mine up, I swear there would have been enough fabric in them to clothe a small child.
This got me thinking.
I put them back on the radiator and decided to have a rummage in my knicker drawer just to see if I did have any pretty/nice/smaller ones left.
To my surprise, there tucked at the very back behind the large ones was a thong with the price sticker still on (unused! I must have known even then that my bum would eat it alive)  then I found a pair of shorts type knickers, and lastly a sheer supportive pair of knickers that looked quite promising.
Well I decided to try them on and see if I could maybe get out of the knickers-R-Us style undies.
I picked up the thong and looked at it for almost 2 seconds before relegating it to my daughters drawer. Then I tried on the shorts.
As I stood in front of the mirror, it crossed my mind that someone may have sneaked in and changed the mirror for one of those you get at the fair (the ones that distort your body for a laugh) as my legs looked, even for me (my partner calls me monkey legs) unnaturally short, so I decided that these were not a good look for me and I threw them back on the bed.
There was just the sheer (slightly transparent and a touch sexy I thought) supportive pair left to try on.
I was full of hope as I squeezed them on, and I could feel they were holding everything well and truly in place.
Then I turned to the mirror.
Well, imagine my shock when I looked at the knickers expecting to go Oooh only to see my tummy all squished up and looking like a bank robbers face with a pair of tights pulled over his head staring back at me!  (just be glad you weren't there, it was scary)
Well that was it, I peeled them off and pulled on my big, stretchy, opaque knickers and breathed a sigh of relief.
You really can't beat a generously sized knicker for comfort.

Sunday, 6 February 2011

Dogs, Comments and Birds .... I Saw Sunday - Week 21

 I Saw Sunday where you can join in with pictures, thoughts, observations, anything you like!

Here's mine ...

Three Jack Russell's on their walk all doing that thing they do with their back legs as they walk ... step, step, hop ... step, step, hop ... it makes me smile every time.


I've been reading around blogs and beside the wonderful writing, I just can't help being impressed with some peoples commenting ability.
They can add insight, humour and an obvious total understanding of the piece all in one line ... whereas I sit there for 'ages' writing, deleting and writing again and end up with ... Brilliant!
I feel like a child sitting cross legged thrusting my arm in the air saying, I get it too! That's exactly what I thought!
... I may just start sneaking 'ditto' underneath   :o)

and lastly

It's been very windy these past couple of days and on one of my walks with Grace around the field I saw a pheasant running with the wind behind it.
I couldn't help but stop and watch its little legs going like the clappers.
I felt like shouting, "Go little pheasant Go!"
You had to be there, but I'm telling you  .... that was one impressively fast bird.